How to make Sapa Better

[Sigh, remember to read the note to the Right in the About me section.  This post is a bit aggressive in tone and language.  Read at your own risk.  Word of the post: sarcasm.]

So I actually went to Sapa last November and been meaning to write this for awhile but just never got around to actually sitting down and typing this out.  As you can see, Sapa, a mountainous region close to Vietnam's northern border inhabited by several groups of ethnic minorities and a large tourist attraction, is somewhat nice--if you like nature.  However, after hearing a presentation about "eco-tourism," I was inspired to improve the tourism and overall experience of Sapa.

From what I can remember, the basic tenets of eco-tourism are 1) Protect the environment while conducting tourist activities and 2) Respect all inhabitants of the area of the tourist site.  More specifically in the case of point 2, "respect" only means through monetary means--at least that was the only thing mentioned and stressed in this presentation.  So in other words, pay more money to see stuff and as long as you dish out the dough, you can do whatever you want.

So here, in no order, are my suggestions on how to make Sapa and more tourist friendly place.

1)  The Ethnic Minorities here should be more authentic!

Whats wrong with this picture?

Exactly, those socks and color combination are clearly not traditional!!

Look, let's be honest--I don't really care about these people or their history and if anything, I'm only vaguely interested in how they live.  But, when I take the time to visit these people and bless them with my money, I expect the "real" thing and by "real," I mean my uneducated imagination of non-western, oriental savages covered in filth and dirt that I have gathered through various forms of discourse and media. I don't care that culture is in constant motion, incorporating new aspects every second, or that certain "modern" things have become part of your daily lives (and thus becomes YOUR culture), I want the ancient traditions that I make up, which you probably don't even do anymore, with dirt and poverty so I can pretend I am being educated about your shit and pat myself on the back for being cultural back at my hotel.

Umm could you hide that shit?

So it bothers me to see any form of "Western" culture or any sign of upward mobility.  Part of the charm is to see how much more advanced I am compared to your kind.  I was also disturbed to see many tour guides, who are people from various ethnic minorities, be asked to take pictures and they did it without any problem--it is like they knew what a digital camera was.  What would make this experience much better is if these guides would be like "Oh, what  this shiny box that shoot light??" or "Oh this little nugget let you talk to spirit voices??"  Of course, they should only do this for like a minute and then just take the damn picture but this would make me feel like I'm just discovering this tribe, right before I give them smallpox. 

So while eco-tourism supports giving more money as a reward for being "real," I want the money earned to be spent as it would back in the good ol' traditional times--on sticks and mud or something like that to make a hut or something.  Don't get a toilet or medicine for your kid (unless it's traditional medicine) and DON'T even think about sending your kids to school and moving.  Who are my grandchildren going to take pictures of and feel superior too?  Speaking of schools....

2) Make this school less boring.

For some God only knows reason, this school is built on a popular tourist trail and is actually part of the tour.  It is a very new and clean school and clearly shows the Vietnamese Government cares these attractions "people" and their future and I think it balances out the various human-rights issues.  But what is most important is Vietnam cares about what foreigners think about how the government helps those most in need, and to be blunt, foreigners are more important because we have money.

And the school is a great place for tourist.  Never mind that a class was in session because we all know kids learn best when a bunch of white people take pictures of them.  Research from MIT and Standford has proven that--Trust me, I ask.com it.  And it is amazing that these savages can actually be taught something besides making crafts.  Ignore the fact that many of these local tour guides can speak multiple languages (I heard Vietnamese, English, German, French, and their native languages) fluently, I found it wonderful and uplifting that the dregs and shit at the bottom of the barrel can work real hard while I take pictures of them.  Cute kids. I almost donated 50 cents.
 
With that said, I found the school overall to be a bit boring.  Considering most kids drop out to become tour guides or make cultural stuff for hipsters, I found that two rooms for classes to be excessive.  Empty one out and put in a bar or club.  And I think a Ferris wheel would really take it up a notch on the fun factor. 

3) Could people lighten the fuck up?

Okay, I'll be honest again--I don't like people who take pictures of me.  I am outside eating some food at a stall and some tourists come up and take a picture of the stall with me, a "real" local eating (Hah, the joke's on them!).  Or one time I was at a temple attempting to pray (or something like that) and a tour group came in and took pics of me.  Sometimes I have a "fuck you" moment and sometimes it is just whatever, I'll track YOU down one day at church and I'll take photos of you (Actually as a joke, I was thinking of taking Asian tourists to various places like Churches, trailer parks, suburban areas to take pictures but that's another post--OHHH, he's mowing the lawn!  Just like in the 50's!).  But that's different--I'm American.

So she's (in the pic above) probably thinking, "What is this a zoo?"  and I would say YES, it is clearly a poverty zoo!  And at zoos, the animals act cute and stuff.  They LOVE it there!  So why don't you just smile?  You know I'm going to show this to my friends, right?  Could you pretend you want to be in this picture?  How about a funky pose?  This is probably why you're poor because you are lazy.

YAY!  Culture!

So in conclusion, while sapa is a huge natural site of beauty, the human factor is kind of lacking.  Step it up guys.

tony

Soccer/football

So apparently, soccer is very popular in the world, you know, except in the US.  I believe the only time Americans get excited about soccer is during the world cup, which I think is kind of a "jump on the bandwagon" time created by marketing and hype of the event.  Since being in Vietnam, I have watched more soccer games in the past 6 months than I have the previous 24 years in the US because my landlord and my neighbors are huge fans and occasionally invite me. (Little cute story: every time there is a game on, my landlord scarfs down dinner as fast as he can and keeps an eye on the clock so he doesn't miss a second of the game.  He's like 60ish but he reminds me of 8 year-old catching his favorite TV show.)  So now that I am a super-expert fan in the art of football, because we snobs know this is the real football, I have decided to support my teams by capitalist methods, mainly buying team clothing.  So not only am I supporting my team, I can also become a walking billboard for their sponsors.

Chelsea sure looks good on a Sony, I mean, Samsung TV

Naturally of course, I am very selective in choosing my favorite teams.  The process goes like this: 1) Who has pretty colors in their Jerseys.  That's it.  Does this make me a woman?

So far I like Chelsea, Manchester United, and Liverpool because I think their jersey designs are neat.  As far as the actually playing, it is okay and sometimes even exciting, though I have no idea about the standings or rosters.  However, those concepts are for the brutes, as I am more specific in my entertainment and tend to appreciate the more shallow and materialistic side of football.

In my quest for clothes, I decided I should start with the "official" avenues of acquiring merchandise and visited the Nike and Adidas stores.  While the selection is great, the prices are a bit out of my spending range, starting from about 30 dollars to 75 dollars--which is not too bad but that is way too much for a sport that honestly bores me 97 percent of the time.  What confuses me is that most of these clothes are made in Vietnam so you would think shipping would be cheaper, thus resulting in a lower overall price.  Also, considering I have never met anyone who works in a clothing factory to be rolling in cash, I would think the labor would be more exploitative  cheaper.  Not a business person but I don't think that is how it works.

Anyways, I then visited a....let's call it an "unofficial factory-direct outlet store for damaged soccer merchandise" to see if I could get anything cheaper.  Now these places are fun--part of the game is to find the defect and haggle your price down.  This particular store would be an extra challenge since it was located in a heavily tourist area so you know the markup would be higher than usual.  So I go in and look at pants and ask in Vietnamese what the prices are.  One pair is 160k.  I ask for two pants and get it down to 240k, or 120k each, roughly 6 dollars for a pair Chelsea and ManU pants with just some loose threads and ripped labels.  Now considering these "real" versions are like 50 dollars in the US and the Official stores, I say that's a deal.  But I was wondering if I could push harder and save 2 more dollars.

But then some tourists come and ask in English the prices of some shirts.  300k for a shirt.  I ask the lady how much that shirt is for me and she said, "for you, 110k."  I then decided I'm just going to quit while I'm ahead and brought the pants...though they did make fun of me because I brought two rival teams (Though the way I think of it, when both teams play each other, I always win).  For you Americans, it is like buying a Cowboys shirt and a Eagles shirt at the same time.  Yes, I think I will stick with the more complicated though less action version of football...

 tony

Buying fruit

Buying fruit here puts me in quite a dilemma: Should I try to save as much money as I can by haggling or should I just pay the extra money to a person who carries fruit on their shoulder for 13 hours a day?  Although it may not sound that much, "unhaggled" fruit can cost up generally around a dollar more per kilo than market prices (maybe even more, though I will be honest and tell you I totally made that number up based on a few converstation between tourists and fruit sellers).  If I buy 3 types of fruit once a week, in my ten months I will have lost about 120 dollars, which could have been invested in much more important things such as shoes or mirrors to celebrate my vanity and thoughtless consumer lifestyle.  And remember, this is 120 dollars in VN, which can buy 960 loafs of french bread (banh mi).  Though if I'm buying in bulk I could probably haggle the price down...Hell, I spent 130 dollars on ALL food one month when I only ate on the streets.

Still, that 120 dollars is probably towards the high end for me considering 1) I am "Vietnamese"ish and have a basic knowledge of the language--others might have to pay a "white/non-Viet" tax which might shoot that price way up and 2) I don't eat 3 kilos (6.6 pounds?) of fruit per week, though maybe I should.  But, overall, I think I get fairly good deals with maybe a couple of 1000 tacked on here and there.  Not to sound like a Richie Rich, but that amount (~5cents per 1000) is not worth haggling over and as I hinted in my first line, it's not like I'm dealing with Bank of America or AT&T CEOs who jack my cash, lose it, and give themselves raises and a new penthouse, these are people who roam the street from 6am to 11pm trying to sell fruit.

I really don't understand people who clearly have money (fancy suits) or foreigners who have enough dough to buy a plane ticket to Hanoi fighting over 20 or 30 cents (Oh, then they take a pic of the fruit seller with their 400 dollar camera.  Oh my, poverty is so more exotic over here).  Yes, you must be careful in VN or you will get ripped off but I think many translate that as you must squeeze every last penny from the price.  Financially smart, yes, but if you do the math, fresh fruit is still much cheaper than the US (and probably less than wherever you came from).  Example:  From what I remember, I brought ginger in the states and for the size of my thumb, I paid about 20 cents?  For 3000 dong (15 cents), I got a stick of ginger the size of my hand.  Whoa, Whoa lady, how about 2500 dong?

Buying bananas is especially troubling--I have two banana people.  One is a deaf-mute little person, whose sales benefit a deaf-mute school (or so the sign says), and the other is an older woman about 80 who can barely walk and spends all day sitting on a corner selling bananas.  I been to both and I know I am being ripped off and by "ripped off" I mean 25 cents more than it should be--this ain't my first banana-buying rodeo.  Still, if you do the math, I'm getting some darn good bananas for about 30 cents a pound, which is just a bit cheaper than Texas prices when I left in August (~47 cents/lb).

So here is how this converstation went down:

Banana Seller: For that bunch, 20,000 dong.

Me:  Okay, Imma let you finish in a second. [I then interrupt her sign language by slapping her hands]  Listen, you deaf-mute little person who sells crafts and fruit on the street to help fund a school that teaches blind, deaf, and mute people skills for living, I don't know who you think you are, but you are a despicable person.  I, a person who has been blessed with all of my five senses and a decent monthly stipend that can very well afford this transaction, am appalled that you would take advantage of poor people like me and try to steal every dong I have worked for.  You make me ill.  How about 18,000?

BS:  Okay.

Well, I have a secret.  That didn't really happen.  I fabricated that story so my blog would be more interesting.  I brought the 1.3 kilos of bananas for a dollar and ate them.  Probably because I have a soul and heart.

tony