Countdown to the end...

Please play this song when reading this post.  Unless you live in the USA then play the second song.  Yes, I take blogging to the next dimension.

So I've been accused for painting a negative picture of my "homeland," but only from one person and her opinion doesn't really matter anyways.  Looking back, I would say yes, the term Hanoian Assholery could be taken as a less than positive term and there are some posts about the more darker sides of the Vietnam.  Still, I stand by my blog (unless later on I get called out, then I will deny, deny, deny) because I feel I defend VN a lot in many ways and (hopefully) don't illustrate VN in terms of black and white, but messy, conflicted, and complex grays, perhaps similar to the way I see and feel about VN as a person who straddles the line between local and foreigner.  Plus, if I only did positive posts, wouldn't that make me a communist propaganda machine?

As much crap as I give Hanoi, I really enjoyed my time there (turn the music up if you are on track 1) and it was a pretty sad time to leave (I left two days ago).  It was much harder than I imagined to "chia tay" (literally split hands but used as semi slang for breakups/leaving relationships) with people, though I blame all these people for giving me gifts that made me go over the airplane weight limit by 50 kgs.  (However, I was only charged for 30 because either I was cute or the woman behind the counter was really bad at math.  Considering she's Asian, the only logical conclusion was that I was so cute, she saved me 40 dollars.)

So special shout out to my research peoples, who considering the nature of my research, were surprisingly really open about their work and literally took me in as family.  Another to people who helped me out with my Viet, get settled in with research connections even before I got here, and took me out to see the city of Hanoi.  And last in my monkey sphere (not really an academic source but good enough for this blog) are the people who introduced me to the concept of the monkey sphere slash jump until you want to vomit and pass out club (a special post will be dedicated to y'all later).  And thanks for the shirt, as I have a pair of cutoff jeans that would totally rock that look.

Ummm, so in dedication to the special city of Hanoi, I will try to list some of my most memorable experiences there, good and bad.  While filled with Hanoi Assholery, there is much charm and a different kind of friendliness that accompanies the assholes.  I would definitely visit it again and if things work out, perhaps live there for an extended amount of time again.

One of the first memories I have of Hanoi is the bus system.  Standing one day by a bus stop, a bus pulls up and does the normal "I can't fully stop or the bus will explode!!" routine and seeing a pregnant woman, I'm guessing 6 to 8 months, waddle-run while using her hands to hold up her stomach as the bus was creeping away at a fairly fast pace.  Yeah, this isn't Kansas anymore--unless the pregnant woman was black, then that probably happens all the time in Kansas.

Another bus story involves the great navigation of VIP in a bus in Thanh Hoa.  Visiting her family in the countryside, we were on local bus that goes near her family's house.  She asks the bus worker we needed to get to this stop and it seemed like everything was set.  Until about 20 minutes (longer?) later, she asked when the stop was coming.  Hah, the look on that guy's face.  It kind of said "Shit, I forgot you guys were there!"  It turns out we missed our stop by a bunch of kilometers and the WHOLE bus was laughing at us city-folk (or at least they were in my head).  We got off and we had the option of walking to the next bus stop to retrace our route or call her family.  However, at least the weather was nice and cool and the views of mountains and the green farms pretty relaxing.  This was perhaps due to being in the city too long but it was eerily quiet and if we were minorities (which we kind of were), we would have been murdered Texas Chainsaw style.  Fun trip, considering VIP was very consistent in her ability to get us in the wrong direction (we had another bus incident in the morning).

 Another "first" memory was my first time going to the market to buy veggies.  After selecting about 3 kilos of food, I asked how much and the lady said 16,000 dong (80 cents).  Now I really thought my Vietnamese was crap because there was no way that was correct and was somewhat bummed because I thought I at least mastered numbers.  Turns out, I did know my numbers and that was the correct figure.  Gosh darn that's cheap. 

And that's with me not even trying to bargain.  One time, I was trying to buy toys for Christmas and I only had 300K.  So in my mind, I was like "Let's do this, under 300k!!"  So I picked out like 5 toys and I asked a very generic how much, expecting some relatively high price for VN, around 500K and I was planning to HALF that as my goal to get under 300k.  How much?  220,000.  Oh.....I'll take it.  Damn.

Two more quick points.  I have learned that here in VN, you should NEVER go to the movies by yourself.  I needed to see Rio, the Vietnamese VO version to compare it to another translation of the film.  I managed to catch it on the last day it was playing, which was like a Tuesday and there were only 2 times: 9 am and 11 am.  Fair to say, it was a random movie at a random time and I felt like some fun "Tony" time.  So I went to Megastar and brought a ticket.  The girl behind the counter asked, "Just one?" and gave me a puzzled face.  I said "Yup."  She laughed at me.  I then went to the person that collects tickets.  "Just you?"  "Yup."  She laughed at me.  When I left the room, the people who clean up the popcorn laughed at me.  I told a friend about this and she said, "You went alone...?"  And then she laughed at me.  "WHY?"

Apparently, you are suppose to go to movies with other people so afterward, you can chat about it.  It's like a tradition or something.  So I tried it with my cousins and they picked the wonderful Transformers 3, though you have to give the Bay credit, he certainly can film an action scene.  My impressions of the film:  I found it amazing that Rosie Huntington-Whitely survived the last hour of the film (which was one huge battle scene) in heels.  She ran across Chicago while it was being devoured in heels.  Anyways, this movie led to the funniest/weirdest quote I've heard in VN a la my cousin:  "It had too much talking!"

tony

      

My Potential Mistresses

Awhile back, I was asked by my uncle if I had a girlfriend in Hanoi.  Of course, I said no (wink, wink EAG) and he replied, "Tại sao, cháu sợ?" which translates to "why, are you scared?"  This comment, however, was translated in my head as "Why not pussy, you scured...bitch?"  And to that, I responded, "Psh, I'm playin' fool, I gots so many hoes, I don't even know what to do"--this was in Vietnamese, of course.  [Editor's note: Yeah, surprisingly, the last comment did not happen.  I know, shocking.  What really happened was a weak "noooo..." was stuttered and a sad walk out the room, a la Arrested Development.]

Apparently, this is a very popular question and has been posed to me by my Xe om/motorbike taxi, who recommended I go to the countryside because it is "easier" to get women there (ya'll know how them country girls are) or the Philippines (yeah, don't ask because I don't know either), my other uncles, some male students, some female students (one which will be further discussed below), my landlord, and my neighbors.  Now, I think some were just joking, but some others were a bit harder to discern their true feelings over the subject of having multiple "lovers."  And honestly, I really believe that some of them endorse the notion that, in my case, it is okay to have a Vietnamese wife in VN and another wife (race is flexible here but Viet is preferred) in America.  It is just the natural desire and virility of the Vietnamese MAN, so sorry EAG, it's in the genes.  And in her jeans, and her jeans....[Ah, see what I did there.  Poet, I be.]

With that inspiration for this post, I will list some potential mistresses here in VN, in no particular order because ranking them would be a bit sexist and degrading, which does not happen ever in this post.  No pics because that's becoming a stalker.

The Nursing Student in Saigon
 I met her in a cafe in Saigon around the time of Tet, the Vietnamese New Year.  Normally a nursing student, but since everyone was off for holiday, she was helping out at her distant relative's cafe.
Pros: She is very hiền (meek, gentle), which is a nice change of pace from EAG, who has learned this nasty habit of showing "independent thought," which ladies, is kind of a turn off, FYI (I think I used this joke before...sorry).  When I asked her what she does for fun in Saigon, she said, "Oh, I like studying, checking blood, running tests, helping people who are sick, etc."  And the crazy thing is that there was no ounce of any sarcasm or joking, and she said it in such a soft voice, it was ridiculously innocent and pure.  And a person in the medical field that cares about patients?  Psh, that's why VN is still a developing nation.
Cons:  I don't like to give blood for tests so I would imagine Friday nights of her taking my blood pressure and drawing blood from me a bit scary and boring.
 
The Film Student
 I probably shouldn't write about students, but I'm going to because this is pretty funny.  Met her at one of my schools I work at in Hanoi.
Pros:  Very friendly and pretty.  Straight to the point in many subjects.
Cons:  Maybe too friendly.  Said I'm too young to be in a long term relationship and that I should break it up now because it would be easier now than later.  Asked me what chance she has with me, in front of the entire class (maybe this is a pro--initiative?  She got ovaries of steel, as I could never do that.).  The other male students in the class told me to be careful and that she is called "Da Spider" and let my imagination determine what that nickname means.

The Highly Priced Makeup Salesperson
I walk by this store to go do research and occasionally make eye contact with her.
Pros:  Very Pretty.  Has a job.  Knows how to do makeup.
Cons:  She is what some Viet people would call điệu, or "high maintenance," and that sometimes comes with an attitude undesirable to me (but maybe good for a mistress...).  Stealing an artistic concept from John, I think with the amount of makeup she wears, if she ever does leave the air conditioned store, she would literally melt her face off.  And we all have seen "beautiful" celebrities with their makeup off, so who knows what lies beneath.  Yeah, I'm vain.   

The Tour Guide in Dong Hoi
Umm, she was the tour guide we had in Dong Hoi.  Met her on the tour.
Pros:  I think most people on the tour (Fulbright Peeps) totally knew I was severely crushing on this lady.  Cute. Cute. Cute.  Cute shoes too.  Can't really explain it, she was just adorable like a puppy rolling in spring grass.  I'm sorry EAG but I think I love her in the way only 1990s R&B Boy Band sensation can describe:

*But don't worry EAG, I still love more, via the better 1990s R&B Boy Band Sensation Boyz II Men:*

Cons:  Works in the tourism industry, though this would be good for me if I ever did marry her because of my English skills, I'm sure I would be a popular guide for English speaking tourists.  Plus I can say, "I don't care what Lonely Planet says, I'm Vietnamese, are you telling me I'm wrong??  Anyways, as I was saying, after Ho Chi Minh defeated Hitler and killed 32,195 Nazis in 1975..." (It's okay, I'm a product of Texas Public Education).  Yup, she's close to perfection

And no EAG, this is not a warning.  Just step your game up is all I'm saying.

tony

Reverse Culture Shock and Reflections on my journey *eye rolls*

So, long time no see.  Well, my time in VN is coming to a close as I leave in late July, so after that, I'll probably put the blog down because I will no longer be worthy of having a blog.  It's not like anyone can just blog--that's a bit vain don't you think?

This blog with be a hodge-podge of recent events.  Maybe I'll do it in the future but there were some blog posts I planned in my head but never felt like actually writing them.  They include a tourist itinerary for a home stay with me, a graduate student (yes I hate tourism industry here), so you can experience the traditional life of a minority student in the US and a Xe Om (motorbike taxi) Driver love advice column, based on real advice my xe om driver has given me over the last 10 months.


Okay, let's map this out, mainly for me.  1) My quick trip back home to Texas for my sister's wedding (click for pics) and 2) Some reflections on my stay here in VN.


In May, I flew home to Texas for a nice and hearty 5 nights.  Let me tell you, try to never fly that much in so little time.  23 hours to DFW and then 22 hours back.  From Tokyo to Hanoi coming back, I was literally freaking out and going insane from a combination of boredom, jet lag, and lack of sleep.  Yeah, would not recommend.  Being home was nice, if a bit surreal at times.  Even a simple trip to good ol' Walmart was an assault on my eyes.  I think we have a few of these supermarts in Hanoi but I have never been to one, sticking with the smaller markets, but it is just insane how much crap Walmart has in one building.  I just can't explain how it feels to see all of these things laid out in a harshly lit warehouse.  Basic things like driving and going to the mailbox were so eerily quiet.  You just don't know how goddamn loud Hanoi is until you walk outside in Texas.  It was peaceful but I think parts of me was wondering when the cars were going to hit me. 

Apparently, according to EAG, I now drive much more aggressively.  Usually, that wouldn't take much change as my mom says I drive like a old lady, but EAG felt her life was in danger.  At first I thought she was joking but it turns out she was not.  Hmm, Hanoi has rubbed off on me a bit. 

The Hanoian Assholery, it seems, has also seem to have an affect on me.  The wedding was in a small town, Marble Falls, Texas, and due to a "small" mix up, I was in the local Walmart. (*Side Story:  So my mommy was in charge of my groomsmen suit and bringing it to the site, since I would be just flying in 3 days before the wedding.  Anyways, the suit was misplaced and I didn't bring anything else to wear, so after a brief brouhaha, the only option was to, well, go to the local Walmart for a suit.  Turns out, the suit was there all along and was in someone else's room.  Hah Hah)

So while there, I got stared at a bit, and by a bit, I mean people would gaze at me for several seconds and follow my movements.  Being in a country where you are the majority, even if there are days where I stand out (though many days I do pass as Viet), for 9 months and coming back to small Texas towns is pretty jarring, as I am now clearly an "Other."  I think I straddle the line of normal and other here in VN, but it is pretty clear-cut in Marble Falls, Texas.  Also, I think pent up anger of foreigners staring and taking pictures of me here adds to this particular situation.  There was one cowboy who I thought was a bit over doing the "let's stare at the Asian guy" that I said out loud if he "had a problem, cowboy?"  Now, EAG was with me and bit mad at my loudness and attempt to "start sh*t," which I responded, "Am I the first Oriental he has ever seen?" to which she replied, "Probably, yeah."  I think the older version would be less angry and aggressive in tone--I would have probably said something but in a lighter, joking tone--but it seems the hard streets of Hanoi have made me rough and abrasive...so hard that I'll blog about it!  I also think I less patient and more likely to get mad at things.  Oh Hanoi.

*Another quick story--I was in the hotel near the wedding site and was getting my free waffle breakfast and at that time, I was then only Asian person there and getting stares from a bunch of old white people.  Then Mrs. Moosa, a friend of my mom who was helping out the wedding, says in her really loud voice, "it's Tony!  He just came from Vietnam!"  Yes, that was true, but now it seems I just arrived here by boat.  I speak English I swear!!*

As for emotional reflections, the way my parents raised me has basically limited my ability to reflect emotionally as we don't do that "white people" stuff.  I don't know what to say.  I've never been one to say that this is my motherland and I don't really have deep issues with who I am or where I belong.  VN has been great so far and has really changed my life, but the weird thing is, I'm not exactly sure what those changes are yet.  No offensive but I've seen other FB talk about how they exhibit growth in this and that (ability to learn, think, understand that there are different cultures (damn, it took a Fulbright Grant and thousands of taxpayer money to learn that!)), but it all sounds like fluff and stuff you say at job interviews.  I guess I have to think more about this part, though I may just keep it to myself, because it's my personal growth, not yours.  Get your own.

I'm really mean now.
tony     

The BEST way to ruin a mood in VN

So I was in a pretty good mood--we (VIP and I) had just had sushi and were on our way for a possible dessert course (Sorry EAG, it was totally a date).  While we were walking, we arrived in front of Highway 4 on Xuan Dieu road, which wasn't our dessert destination but came upon an event that changed my mood.  A drunk man was chasing and beating his wife (presumably) in the street with about 4 or 5 male onlookers.

I saw him throw her into the street and pull her hair, while attempting to kick her in the head (he barely missed).  He was then somewhat restrained by the onlookers, but the woman continued to berate him, saying things like "he always seems to have time to go out to drink and that he goes out too often."  After a few comments, he ran around the onlookers holding him and continued to chase her, attempting to slap her (some landed) and pull her hair.  When her hair was being pulled, she did scream, but after he was restrained, she continued to talk to him.  And so, this was repeated several times.

Now, in theory, anytime a person is being beat, no matter what culture you are in, it is wrong.  And, again, in theory, if you can help you probably should.

But I didn't really help or intervene that much.  Here is what my brain said: 1) I actually raised this question during a Fulbright Orientation and this bad-ass, ex-military security dude said do NOT get involved in the situation.  2)  I don't know the full extent and details of this situation, mainly, I don't know if the onlookers are siding with a particular person and if I do get involved, what they would do to me, and possibly VIP.  3) He's drunk and like everywhere in VN, there are rocks and sharp things that can easily be used as weapons and can escalate this situation.  4)  Let's say I do manage to restrain him--now what?  Calling the cops in VN is like rubbing raw chicken into a open wound--it's not going to do any good, will probably make things worst, and is just dumb as shit.  Hey, I love a Vietnamese man in a ugly-ass uniform, but honestly, they are corrupt and don't do squat (Hah, of course I'm joking you silly censors!).  So anyways, yeah he'll continue the beating until he stops. 5)  This is a different culture--I can't just come in and impose my will and expect things will all be dandy.  Familial relationships operate differently here.  Sounds dumb but you really can't just apply western notions over here, even on seemingly clear cut issues of abuse.  6)  The presence of the wife would not make things better.  I'm not saying she deserved it, but she did nothing to remedy the situation, i.e. walk away!  As long as she was here, the fighting would not stop and I would be there for a long time.

Okay, so I think all of those points are valid and reasonable and logically, I did the "right" thing.  But my gut and heart say those are just excuses and I'm not better than any of the other guys who just basically stood around and watched.  The only time I somewhat got involved was when she ran towards me and I held back the husband for a little bit.  But then she continued to run and he continued to chase.  And I held him a bit more, along with the other guys.  I think as we left, the other guys were trying to calm him down, or at least get him out of the area.

I feel guilty because I think I could have done more--as anyone who knows me, I really like to flex my hyper-masculine muscles through various means, mainly by dominating other humans and animals all the time, but considering he was drunk and from what I experienced holding him, I felt I could have "taken him."  I'm not sure where I would have "taken" him, and, again, after that I wouldn't know what to do.  Still, apparently a woman dies of domestic abuse every 3 days in VN.

And so I sit and think about her.

tony

Note:  highway 4 had nothing to do with this...just felt like advertising.  Never eaten there.

How to make Sapa Better

[Sigh, remember to read the note to the Right in the About me section.  This post is a bit aggressive in tone and language.  Read at your own risk.  Word of the post: sarcasm.]

So I actually went to Sapa last November and been meaning to write this for awhile but just never got around to actually sitting down and typing this out.  As you can see, Sapa, a mountainous region close to Vietnam's northern border inhabited by several groups of ethnic minorities and a large tourist attraction, is somewhat nice--if you like nature.  However, after hearing a presentation about "eco-tourism," I was inspired to improve the tourism and overall experience of Sapa.

From what I can remember, the basic tenets of eco-tourism are 1) Protect the environment while conducting tourist activities and 2) Respect all inhabitants of the area of the tourist site.  More specifically in the case of point 2, "respect" only means through monetary means--at least that was the only thing mentioned and stressed in this presentation.  So in other words, pay more money to see stuff and as long as you dish out the dough, you can do whatever you want.

So here, in no order, are my suggestions on how to make Sapa and more tourist friendly place.

1)  The Ethnic Minorities here should be more authentic!

Whats wrong with this picture?

Exactly, those socks and color combination are clearly not traditional!!

Look, let's be honest--I don't really care about these people or their history and if anything, I'm only vaguely interested in how they live.  But, when I take the time to visit these people and bless them with my money, I expect the "real" thing and by "real," I mean my uneducated imagination of non-western, oriental savages covered in filth and dirt that I have gathered through various forms of discourse and media. I don't care that culture is in constant motion, incorporating new aspects every second, or that certain "modern" things have become part of your daily lives (and thus becomes YOUR culture), I want the ancient traditions that I make up, which you probably don't even do anymore, with dirt and poverty so I can pretend I am being educated about your shit and pat myself on the back for being cultural back at my hotel.

Umm could you hide that shit?

So it bothers me to see any form of "Western" culture or any sign of upward mobility.  Part of the charm is to see how much more advanced I am compared to your kind.  I was also disturbed to see many tour guides, who are people from various ethnic minorities, be asked to take pictures and they did it without any problem--it is like they knew what a digital camera was.  What would make this experience much better is if these guides would be like "Oh, what  this shiny box that shoot light??" or "Oh this little nugget let you talk to spirit voices??"  Of course, they should only do this for like a minute and then just take the damn picture but this would make me feel like I'm just discovering this tribe, right before I give them smallpox. 

So while eco-tourism supports giving more money as a reward for being "real," I want the money earned to be spent as it would back in the good ol' traditional times--on sticks and mud or something like that to make a hut or something.  Don't get a toilet or medicine for your kid (unless it's traditional medicine) and DON'T even think about sending your kids to school and moving.  Who are my grandchildren going to take pictures of and feel superior too?  Speaking of schools....

2) Make this school less boring.

For some God only knows reason, this school is built on a popular tourist trail and is actually part of the tour.  It is a very new and clean school and clearly shows the Vietnamese Government cares these attractions "people" and their future and I think it balances out the various human-rights issues.  But what is most important is Vietnam cares about what foreigners think about how the government helps those most in need, and to be blunt, foreigners are more important because we have money.

And the school is a great place for tourist.  Never mind that a class was in session because we all know kids learn best when a bunch of white people take pictures of them.  Research from MIT and Standford has proven that--Trust me, I ask.com it.  And it is amazing that these savages can actually be taught something besides making crafts.  Ignore the fact that many of these local tour guides can speak multiple languages (I heard Vietnamese, English, German, French, and their native languages) fluently, I found it wonderful and uplifting that the dregs and shit at the bottom of the barrel can work real hard while I take pictures of them.  Cute kids. I almost donated 50 cents.
 
With that said, I found the school overall to be a bit boring.  Considering most kids drop out to become tour guides or make cultural stuff for hipsters, I found that two rooms for classes to be excessive.  Empty one out and put in a bar or club.  And I think a Ferris wheel would really take it up a notch on the fun factor. 

3) Could people lighten the fuck up?

Okay, I'll be honest again--I don't like people who take pictures of me.  I am outside eating some food at a stall and some tourists come up and take a picture of the stall with me, a "real" local eating (Hah, the joke's on them!).  Or one time I was at a temple attempting to pray (or something like that) and a tour group came in and took pics of me.  Sometimes I have a "fuck you" moment and sometimes it is just whatever, I'll track YOU down one day at church and I'll take photos of you (Actually as a joke, I was thinking of taking Asian tourists to various places like Churches, trailer parks, suburban areas to take pictures but that's another post--OHHH, he's mowing the lawn!  Just like in the 50's!).  But that's different--I'm American.

So she's (in the pic above) probably thinking, "What is this a zoo?"  and I would say YES, it is clearly a poverty zoo!  And at zoos, the animals act cute and stuff.  They LOVE it there!  So why don't you just smile?  You know I'm going to show this to my friends, right?  Could you pretend you want to be in this picture?  How about a funky pose?  This is probably why you're poor because you are lazy.

YAY!  Culture!

So in conclusion, while sapa is a huge natural site of beauty, the human factor is kind of lacking.  Step it up guys.

tony

Soccer/football

So apparently, soccer is very popular in the world, you know, except in the US.  I believe the only time Americans get excited about soccer is during the world cup, which I think is kind of a "jump on the bandwagon" time created by marketing and hype of the event.  Since being in Vietnam, I have watched more soccer games in the past 6 months than I have the previous 24 years in the US because my landlord and my neighbors are huge fans and occasionally invite me. (Little cute story: every time there is a game on, my landlord scarfs down dinner as fast as he can and keeps an eye on the clock so he doesn't miss a second of the game.  He's like 60ish but he reminds me of 8 year-old catching his favorite TV show.)  So now that I am a super-expert fan in the art of football, because we snobs know this is the real football, I have decided to support my teams by capitalist methods, mainly buying team clothing.  So not only am I supporting my team, I can also become a walking billboard for their sponsors.

Chelsea sure looks good on a Sony, I mean, Samsung TV

Naturally of course, I am very selective in choosing my favorite teams.  The process goes like this: 1) Who has pretty colors in their Jerseys.  That's it.  Does this make me a woman?

So far I like Chelsea, Manchester United, and Liverpool because I think their jersey designs are neat.  As far as the actually playing, it is okay and sometimes even exciting, though I have no idea about the standings or rosters.  However, those concepts are for the brutes, as I am more specific in my entertainment and tend to appreciate the more shallow and materialistic side of football.

In my quest for clothes, I decided I should start with the "official" avenues of acquiring merchandise and visited the Nike and Adidas stores.  While the selection is great, the prices are a bit out of my spending range, starting from about 30 dollars to 75 dollars--which is not too bad but that is way too much for a sport that honestly bores me 97 percent of the time.  What confuses me is that most of these clothes are made in Vietnam so you would think shipping would be cheaper, thus resulting in a lower overall price.  Also, considering I have never met anyone who works in a clothing factory to be rolling in cash, I would think the labor would be more exploitative  cheaper.  Not a business person but I don't think that is how it works.

Anyways, I then visited a....let's call it an "unofficial factory-direct outlet store for damaged soccer merchandise" to see if I could get anything cheaper.  Now these places are fun--part of the game is to find the defect and haggle your price down.  This particular store would be an extra challenge since it was located in a heavily tourist area so you know the markup would be higher than usual.  So I go in and look at pants and ask in Vietnamese what the prices are.  One pair is 160k.  I ask for two pants and get it down to 240k, or 120k each, roughly 6 dollars for a pair Chelsea and ManU pants with just some loose threads and ripped labels.  Now considering these "real" versions are like 50 dollars in the US and the Official stores, I say that's a deal.  But I was wondering if I could push harder and save 2 more dollars.

But then some tourists come and ask in English the prices of some shirts.  300k for a shirt.  I ask the lady how much that shirt is for me and she said, "for you, 110k."  I then decided I'm just going to quit while I'm ahead and brought the pants...though they did make fun of me because I brought two rival teams (Though the way I think of it, when both teams play each other, I always win).  For you Americans, it is like buying a Cowboys shirt and a Eagles shirt at the same time.  Yes, I think I will stick with the more complicated though less action version of football...

 tony

Buying fruit

Buying fruit here puts me in quite a dilemma: Should I try to save as much money as I can by haggling or should I just pay the extra money to a person who carries fruit on their shoulder for 13 hours a day?  Although it may not sound that much, "unhaggled" fruit can cost up generally around a dollar more per kilo than market prices (maybe even more, though I will be honest and tell you I totally made that number up based on a few converstation between tourists and fruit sellers).  If I buy 3 types of fruit once a week, in my ten months I will have lost about 120 dollars, which could have been invested in much more important things such as shoes or mirrors to celebrate my vanity and thoughtless consumer lifestyle.  And remember, this is 120 dollars in VN, which can buy 960 loafs of french bread (banh mi).  Though if I'm buying in bulk I could probably haggle the price down...Hell, I spent 130 dollars on ALL food one month when I only ate on the streets.

Still, that 120 dollars is probably towards the high end for me considering 1) I am "Vietnamese"ish and have a basic knowledge of the language--others might have to pay a "white/non-Viet" tax which might shoot that price way up and 2) I don't eat 3 kilos (6.6 pounds?) of fruit per week, though maybe I should.  But, overall, I think I get fairly good deals with maybe a couple of 1000 tacked on here and there.  Not to sound like a Richie Rich, but that amount (~5cents per 1000) is not worth haggling over and as I hinted in my first line, it's not like I'm dealing with Bank of America or AT&T CEOs who jack my cash, lose it, and give themselves raises and a new penthouse, these are people who roam the street from 6am to 11pm trying to sell fruit.

I really don't understand people who clearly have money (fancy suits) or foreigners who have enough dough to buy a plane ticket to Hanoi fighting over 20 or 30 cents (Oh, then they take a pic of the fruit seller with their 400 dollar camera.  Oh my, poverty is so more exotic over here).  Yes, you must be careful in VN or you will get ripped off but I think many translate that as you must squeeze every last penny from the price.  Financially smart, yes, but if you do the math, fresh fruit is still much cheaper than the US (and probably less than wherever you came from).  Example:  From what I remember, I brought ginger in the states and for the size of my thumb, I paid about 20 cents?  For 3000 dong (15 cents), I got a stick of ginger the size of my hand.  Whoa, Whoa lady, how about 2500 dong?

Buying bananas is especially troubling--I have two banana people.  One is a deaf-mute little person, whose sales benefit a deaf-mute school (or so the sign says), and the other is an older woman about 80 who can barely walk and spends all day sitting on a corner selling bananas.  I been to both and I know I am being ripped off and by "ripped off" I mean 25 cents more than it should be--this ain't my first banana-buying rodeo.  Still, if you do the math, I'm getting some darn good bananas for about 30 cents a pound, which is just a bit cheaper than Texas prices when I left in August (~47 cents/lb).

So here is how this converstation went down:

Banana Seller: For that bunch, 20,000 dong.

Me:  Okay, Imma let you finish in a second. [I then interrupt her sign language by slapping her hands]  Listen, you deaf-mute little person who sells crafts and fruit on the street to help fund a school that teaches blind, deaf, and mute people skills for living, I don't know who you think you are, but you are a despicable person.  I, a person who has been blessed with all of my five senses and a decent monthly stipend that can very well afford this transaction, am appalled that you would take advantage of poor people like me and try to steal every dong I have worked for.  You make me ill.  How about 18,000?

BS:  Okay.

Well, I have a secret.  That didn't really happen.  I fabricated that story so my blog would be more interesting.  I brought the 1.3 kilos of bananas for a dollar and ate them.  Probably because I have a soul and heart.

tony