So I was in a pretty good mood--we (VIP and I) had just had sushi and were on our way for a possible dessert course (Sorry EAG, it was totally a date). While we were walking, we arrived in front of Highway 4 on Xuan Dieu road, which wasn't our dessert destination but came upon an event that changed my mood. A drunk man was chasing and beating his wife (presumably) in the street with about 4 or 5 male onlookers.
I saw him throw her into the street and pull her hair, while attempting to kick her in the head (he barely missed). He was then somewhat restrained by the onlookers, but the woman continued to berate him, saying things like "he always seems to have time to go out to drink and that he goes out too often." After a few comments, he ran around the onlookers holding him and continued to chase her, attempting to slap her (some landed) and pull her hair. When her hair was being pulled, she did scream, but after he was restrained, she continued to talk to him. And so, this was repeated several times.
Now, in theory, anytime a person is being beat, no matter what culture you are in, it is wrong. And, again, in theory, if you can help you probably should.
But I didn't really help or intervene that much. Here is what my brain said: 1) I actually raised this question during a Fulbright Orientation and this bad-ass, ex-military security dude said do NOT get involved in the situation. 2) I don't know the full extent and details of this situation, mainly, I don't know if the onlookers are siding with a particular person and if I do get involved, what they would do to me, and possibly VIP. 3) He's drunk and like everywhere in VN, there are rocks and sharp things that can easily be used as weapons and can escalate this situation. 4) Let's say I do manage to restrain him--now what? Calling the cops in VN is like rubbing raw chicken into a open wound--it's not going to do any good, will probably make things worst, and is just dumb as shit. Hey, I love a Vietnamese man in a ugly-ass uniform, but honestly, they are corrupt and don't do squat (Hah, of course I'm joking you silly censors!). So anyways, yeah he'll continue the beating until he stops. 5) This is a different culture--I can't just come in and impose my will and expect things will all be dandy. Familial relationships operate differently here. Sounds dumb but you really can't just apply western notions over here, even on seemingly clear cut issues of abuse. 6) The presence of the wife would not make things better. I'm not saying she deserved it, but she did nothing to remedy the situation, i.e. walk away! As long as she was here, the fighting would not stop and I would be there for a long time.
Okay, so I think all of those points are valid and reasonable and logically, I did the "right" thing. But my gut and heart say those are just excuses and I'm not better than any of the other guys who just basically stood around and watched. The only time I somewhat got involved was when she ran towards me and I held back the husband for a little bit. But then she continued to run and he continued to chase. And I held him a bit more, along with the other guys. I think as we left, the other guys were trying to calm him down, or at least get him out of the area.
I feel guilty because I think I could have done more--as anyone who knows me, I really like to flex my hyper-masculine muscles through various means, mainly by dominating other humans and animals all the time, but considering he was drunk and from what I experienced holding him, I felt I could have "taken him." I'm not sure where I would have "taken" him, and, again, after that I wouldn't know what to do. Still, apparently a woman dies of domestic abuse every 3 days in VN.
And so I sit and think about her.
tony
Note: highway 4 had nothing to do with this...just felt like advertising. Never eaten there.
