Food

They call it a "hamburger" (I'm not sure I'm spelling that right)

Fruits

A quick note about the food here--I apologize about not taking pictures of my culinary adventures but I already standout enough so I don't think taking pictures of my food will make things any better.  Also, I think me taking pictures of the "exotic" street food is like a person in the States going to Taco Bell, taking pictures of her mexican pizza, and then using the photos as a source of cultural capital.  Because noodles are somehow more photogenic here.

The first couple of weeks here I was pretty adventurous, eating at random street joints and ordering things I really didn't know what they were, but everything was delicious and cheap.  However, my digestive system and tongue are apparently two separate entities and I won't share too many details but I gots what Dave Chappelle calls the "mud butt."  Not unexpected as I brought the jumbo-sized Pepto with me, but not a wonderful experience.  Anyways, after that I settled down and started to eat with the family I live with, who while won't be scoring perfect scores on health inspection checks, is much cleaner than the streets (or so I thought...more on that later).  Nowadays, when I do go out, I usually visit "Western"/Non-Vietnamese food places to hit some of my cravings (Hamburgers, fish and chips, philly cheesesteak, pizza, fish and chips, and Indian (which was quite good and cheap too)) which is somewhat weird as I am in Hanoi but whatever.

Still, having someone buy and cook everything for you is terribly convenient--I read, watch movies, write, research, then come down to eat.  Then back to work or go out.  Done.  I feel it has made me a bit sheltered as I'm not at the market haggling for a dollar off cabbage but I would rather do other stuff than, you know, worry about feeding myself.

There are some negative aspects of this arrangement though.  I find that many Vietnamese families believe a strong man is one who eats an outrageous amount of food.  In fact, I think that's number 2 in my Dad's list for men who can date/marry my sisters-- A big appetite (number one is "not black"...Hah, I joke.........).  So while I would have probably liked this when I was a bit younger when my metabolism was a bit quicker, right now I am struggling.  Minimum serving at lunch and dinner: 2 bowls of rice, two servings of each meat dish (1/4 lbs per serving--there are normally two meats so four servings), two servings of vegetables, 1 bowl of soup (which has vegetables, broth, and another meat/fish), and 2 different types of fruits (generally a banana and 2 small servings of another fruit).  And they still yelled at encouraged me to eat more.  One of the customs in many Vietnamese houses is 1) the host should offer the guest as much food as possible and 2) the guest to show respect and eat a lot.  Not good for tony's heart.

At first, I was eating 3 meals (breakfast is much smaller but still heavy in my opinion--2 fruits, bread (a 6 inch french loaf), sometime eggs, meat, and sticky rice (Xôi (soy)) 

Usually xôi comes wrapped in a banana leaf and then newspaper (sanitary I know) but this one came wrapped in this paper.  Xôi and seismic readings for only 5000 dong (25 cents)

but I physically couldn't do it.  At the end of each meal I found myself moaning and I think quite possibly on the verge of death.  There were many days where I honestly didn't do anything because I was falling into a food coma.  So I started skipping breakfast (which I usually do/or just eat some fruit) which gives more room for lunch and dinner, but I think it makes them push harder since I didn't eat breakfast.  You get what you can get I guess.  I learned some tricks though.  Before, I would just eat in a smooth and quiet manner, i.e. wait for everyone to get meat (it's served family style) and then sneak in and grab some.  I found out that even though I was eating a lot, it wasn't registering as the family didn't notice I was eating.  So now I make very exaggerated motions to say "Hey, I getting some meat!"  (Hmm that doesn't sound right...).  I also hold my bowl close to my face to hide the contents of my bowl--sometimes it is empty or has a small vegetable that I nibble on and this gives me a chance to "rest" before I shove my face full of food again.  

There was a point where I was like, "Okay, just say no."  So one day I did when the wife tried to make me finish a bowl of soup (it was the serving bowl ~ 2.5 cups of liquid, veggies, etc.).  She really egged me on, but I stood my ground.  She then say, "Fine" and proceed to drink/eat the entire bowl in front of me in under a minute.  Total emasculation.  I remember this moment because I was thinking..."Oh Hell no."  So the next day I picked up my game and took her out.  Finished everything.  No leftovers, no prisoners.  Which is kinda of bad because now they know I'm capable of eating a lot and provide more pressure but at least I have my manhood.  Oh, I'm that competitive.


They also make fun of how I eat.  I eat with my mouth closed, bite noodles clean instead of slurping, and usually don't talk with my mouth full since, well, it is like the first thing we learned in school.  Viet Nam doesn't have that rule and they slurp, gnaw, and smack away while telling a story.  One time they joked they should eat like tony and after about 20 seconds of silence, the wife decided, "well, maybe your mouth can open a little bit."  This was said, of course, with her mouth full. 


On a different note, I discovered that I really, really love pork fat.  Before, I wasn't anti-pork fat but it wasn't a large portion of my diet.  Here, however, pork is king and everywhere there is the king, his delicious, seductive, yet obese mistress, pork fat, is always present.  She (yes pork fat has a gender) is either rendered and coating vegetables, defeating the whole purpose of the veggie's nutrition, or in its pure, white, and smooth form that gives a bit of chewy resistance but effortlessly melts in your mouth.  Contrasting this soft texture is the crisp skin that gives a nice crunch with a deep, almost burnt (but good), smokey pork flavor.  Ugh, goes straight to my hips.  It is the sole reason that I started jogging in the park.


I also live down the street from a french bakery with croissants for 40 cents each.  Huge, flaky croissants.  Cheap, Delicious, and Convenient.  Also known as Dangerous.  I also been drinking lots of coffee with condensed milk because it is everywhere and cheap.  I usually pick a general direction and walk and less than a minute there is a coffee shop.  My favorite is by the Army Museum, quite popular with Communist soldiers, and has a random table with a picture of Girl's Generation.  Tea here is good but absurdly strong.  Seriously, for a small pot they put a handful of tea leaves.   


Oh one last note.  A few days ago I decided to invite myself to go shopping with the live-in maid of the house at 6:30 am and well it was an interesting experience.  First, she joked I would distract people because I was weird-looking.  Hah.  She was right.  Every woman behind the counters asked about me:  "Where are you from?  Who are you with?  Are you with her (the maid)?"  I did get a lot of smiles...if only I were single, man, I would hitting up that market...to get discounts on fruit. 


We then went straight to the meat table (a literal table with meat) and she went STRAIGHT into the raw chicken.  The butcher gave her a bag, which the butcher placed STRAIGHT on the raw meat.  The maid then used her chicken hands to pack the bag.  She then handed me the bag to hold, which of course I did (Mental note: wash hands!  Don't touch your face!--of course my eye started itching).  We went to the vegetable "section" and she and her raw chicken hands went STRAIGHT into everything.  After that, we were going home when she grabbed my elbow and said to wait because she forgot to buy something (Mental note: wash elbow!).


I knew this probably happened all the time but it was better when I didn't know for sure (Oh, you're paranoid tony, they know better).  They do have this anti-bacteria veggie/fruit washer thing and seem to cook everything thoroughly (even if they boil chicken to death twice, but that's a good thing looking back), but man...that's RAW chicken you're flinging around there.  I may sound like an elitist here but I don't think many people understand concepts of basic biology or the idea of bacteria/viruses and how they are spread.  Even many students/professors who are pursuing or have a college degree seem to ignore basic notions of sanitary living  (granted most are in the film/humanities field, but still...).  I see people on the street washing dishes with limes, which is better than nothing, but citrus acid only goes so far.  Though, with bacteria evolving to become more resistant due to the use of anti-bacterial products, maybe they know better.  Or not, it's raw chicken!  


Again no pics at the market because do Americans take pics at Wal-mart?  Well, judging from facebook, yes they do but not of the produce.


tony