How to make Sapa Better

[Sigh, remember to read the note to the Right in the About me section.  This post is a bit aggressive in tone and language.  Read at your own risk.  Word of the post: sarcasm.]

So I actually went to Sapa last November and been meaning to write this for awhile but just never got around to actually sitting down and typing this out.  As you can see, Sapa, a mountainous region close to Vietnam's northern border inhabited by several groups of ethnic minorities and a large tourist attraction, is somewhat nice--if you like nature.  However, after hearing a presentation about "eco-tourism," I was inspired to improve the tourism and overall experience of Sapa.

From what I can remember, the basic tenets of eco-tourism are 1) Protect the environment while conducting tourist activities and 2) Respect all inhabitants of the area of the tourist site.  More specifically in the case of point 2, "respect" only means through monetary means--at least that was the only thing mentioned and stressed in this presentation.  So in other words, pay more money to see stuff and as long as you dish out the dough, you can do whatever you want.

So here, in no order, are my suggestions on how to make Sapa and more tourist friendly place.

1)  The Ethnic Minorities here should be more authentic!

Whats wrong with this picture?

Exactly, those socks and color combination are clearly not traditional!!

Look, let's be honest--I don't really care about these people or their history and if anything, I'm only vaguely interested in how they live.  But, when I take the time to visit these people and bless them with my money, I expect the "real" thing and by "real," I mean my uneducated imagination of non-western, oriental savages covered in filth and dirt that I have gathered through various forms of discourse and media. I don't care that culture is in constant motion, incorporating new aspects every second, or that certain "modern" things have become part of your daily lives (and thus becomes YOUR culture), I want the ancient traditions that I make up, which you probably don't even do anymore, with dirt and poverty so I can pretend I am being educated about your shit and pat myself on the back for being cultural back at my hotel.

Umm could you hide that shit?

So it bothers me to see any form of "Western" culture or any sign of upward mobility.  Part of the charm is to see how much more advanced I am compared to your kind.  I was also disturbed to see many tour guides, who are people from various ethnic minorities, be asked to take pictures and they did it without any problem--it is like they knew what a digital camera was.  What would make this experience much better is if these guides would be like "Oh, what  this shiny box that shoot light??" or "Oh this little nugget let you talk to spirit voices??"  Of course, they should only do this for like a minute and then just take the damn picture but this would make me feel like I'm just discovering this tribe, right before I give them smallpox. 

So while eco-tourism supports giving more money as a reward for being "real," I want the money earned to be spent as it would back in the good ol' traditional times--on sticks and mud or something like that to make a hut or something.  Don't get a toilet or medicine for your kid (unless it's traditional medicine) and DON'T even think about sending your kids to school and moving.  Who are my grandchildren going to take pictures of and feel superior too?  Speaking of schools....

2) Make this school less boring.

For some God only knows reason, this school is built on a popular tourist trail and is actually part of the tour.  It is a very new and clean school and clearly shows the Vietnamese Government cares these attractions "people" and their future and I think it balances out the various human-rights issues.  But what is most important is Vietnam cares about what foreigners think about how the government helps those most in need, and to be blunt, foreigners are more important because we have money.

And the school is a great place for tourist.  Never mind that a class was in session because we all know kids learn best when a bunch of white people take pictures of them.  Research from MIT and Standford has proven that--Trust me, I ask.com it.  And it is amazing that these savages can actually be taught something besides making crafts.  Ignore the fact that many of these local tour guides can speak multiple languages (I heard Vietnamese, English, German, French, and their native languages) fluently, I found it wonderful and uplifting that the dregs and shit at the bottom of the barrel can work real hard while I take pictures of them.  Cute kids. I almost donated 50 cents.
 
With that said, I found the school overall to be a bit boring.  Considering most kids drop out to become tour guides or make cultural stuff for hipsters, I found that two rooms for classes to be excessive.  Empty one out and put in a bar or club.  And I think a Ferris wheel would really take it up a notch on the fun factor. 

3) Could people lighten the fuck up?

Okay, I'll be honest again--I don't like people who take pictures of me.  I am outside eating some food at a stall and some tourists come up and take a picture of the stall with me, a "real" local eating (Hah, the joke's on them!).  Or one time I was at a temple attempting to pray (or something like that) and a tour group came in and took pics of me.  Sometimes I have a "fuck you" moment and sometimes it is just whatever, I'll track YOU down one day at church and I'll take photos of you (Actually as a joke, I was thinking of taking Asian tourists to various places like Churches, trailer parks, suburban areas to take pictures but that's another post--OHHH, he's mowing the lawn!  Just like in the 50's!).  But that's different--I'm American.

So she's (in the pic above) probably thinking, "What is this a zoo?"  and I would say YES, it is clearly a poverty zoo!  And at zoos, the animals act cute and stuff.  They LOVE it there!  So why don't you just smile?  You know I'm going to show this to my friends, right?  Could you pretend you want to be in this picture?  How about a funky pose?  This is probably why you're poor because you are lazy.

YAY!  Culture!

So in conclusion, while sapa is a huge natural site of beauty, the human factor is kind of lacking.  Step it up guys.

tony